Not Settling Or Being Too Picky?


I’ve been told two scenarios when it comes to being in a relationship and getting married. One scenario is that dating and marriage aren’t about love but about what you can deal with in another person. The other is that marriage is too hard to just settle because you have to really love someone to be able to put up with his/her flaws.

I haven’t been in a relationship in a while but I do date, and I’ve been told by some people that the reason I’m still single is probably because I’m too picky. Don’t get me wrong I do want a nice guy but if I’m going to commit to a person I want it to be with someone who I really like and who excites me.

I wanted to get other people’s opinions on what they thought the difference between being too picky and settling was so I asked a few people on social media.  Here are a few responses that I received:

Being picky is focusing on physical things like height, weight, appearance, good teeth, etc and also on what monetary things the person possesses like cars, money, house, etc. Some of the things are ok, like if you have a thing for teeth then by all means find a man with straight teeth, but if all your qualifications are about the physical appearance or monetary possessions then you are being too picky.

People settle for a number of reasons: they don’t want to be alone, would rather have a piece of a man than none at all, don’t want to start over, comfort, sex, being afraid they won’t find better, etc. 

Misplaced priorities…..They find things they feel are important & put up with the rest.

“Settling” enables the belief that one is “too good” for another when it’s really just about preferences & matching them.

Most people agreed that being “too picky” is when you focus more on physical and materialistic qualities like looks and money and “not settling” is when you refuse to commit to someone whose lifestyle or personality doesn’t benefit your own in a positive way.

Some may ask what’s wrong with wanting the type of person that you want to be with even if the qualities are very shallow. I can’t argue with that, but like I’ve always been told you need to be the type of person that you are looking for. If you want someone who is sexy, rich, and has a nice body then you need to make sure that you have those same characteristics. Like the saying goes “don’t be a penny looking for a dime”! One important fact that most people should realize is that you are never going to find someone who is perfect. Maybe I’m being naïve to believe that true love still exists, but when it comes to me committing the rest of my life with someone you better believe that I’m going to make sure that I am capable of loving that person unconditionally and for him to be able to do the same for me.

Photo Credit: BET

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